Alochol: Have you been affected?
Joan used to be miserable! Constantly worried, her nerves at breaking point, she realised she had forgotten how to enjoy life. What had happened? Early in her marriage she was happy enough, but somehow that had been lost. Instead, she spent her days worrying about how much her husband was drinking, how to pay the bills, what to say to his boss the next time he was too hung-over to go to work. Joan had become fearful of her husband, never quite sure what mood he would come home in. She went to great lengths not to upset him in case her actions or words would set off another drinking bout.
Terry’s experience was a little different, though no less damaging. His wife possessed a sharp tongue, and she was quick to use it after a few drinks, which had become a daily occurrence. Holidays, family gatherings and outings were consistently spoiled due to her excessive drinking. Terry had begun to refuse social invitations due to his anxiety over the possible outcome. He sometimes felt like a failure when he thought of the lengths he had gone to in an effort to control his wife’s drinking, and yet she persisted. Most of the time Terry felt angry, confused or depressed.
Sarah feared criticism and was constantly seeking approval and affirmation of her worth. She consistently over-extended herself caring for others, yet she found it difficult to look after her own needs. Even when her life was going smoothly, she anticipated problems, and she felt much more alive and capable when in the midst of a crisis. Generally though, Sarah felt that people were taking advantage of her and often she would isolate herself from them, without ever telling them why. Identifying and expressing her emotions was something she found difficult and as a result Sarah had trouble maintaining friendships. Her relationship with an abusive partner was based on pity, but she clung to it because she was afraid of being alone.
Fortunately, Joan, Terry and Sarah discovered Al-Anon. Though all have continued in the same relationships, today their lives are full of joy, peace and sanity. Life still presents its challenges, but they have learnt, in a safe, supportive and confidential environment, to deal with their problems in a healthier manner. While their backgrounds and life experiences are different, they all have one thing in common – someone close to them has, or has had, a drinking problem.
If you have identified with any aspect of these stories, the Al-Anon Family Groups may be able to help you too. Meetings are held in Golden Bay every Friday at 1.30pm, in the Catholic Hall. Come along, hear other people’s stories, learn about how Al-Anon works, and you too may discover happiness once more.
For local contacts call 525 8471 or 525 7337. For further information on the Al-Anon Family Groups, visit www.al-anon.org.nz Submitted
The people and stories in this article are fictional, though based on real-life experiences.
